I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
