i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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