You can't motorboat a personality
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
as a side note pls kill me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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