She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
