I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
