Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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