Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I want to have your abortion
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
