i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
