Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
