youre lurking in front of me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
