For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
