I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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