I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
