idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
