Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
