no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
