Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
