mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just found puke in my bra..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
