he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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