listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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