4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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