My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
