So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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