nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
