um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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