someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
