you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
