When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Small penises have feelings too.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There was a lot of him and a little penis
areolas are like halos for boobs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
