We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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