either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
