all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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