Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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