Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
