I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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