Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
