oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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