youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
