PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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