she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am available for nakedness
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
