I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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