Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
