I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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