I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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