So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
