there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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