How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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