I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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