He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
