FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
