Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
