he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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