This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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