You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
