Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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