i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I checked into jail on foursquare
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
