just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
