how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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