last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
