i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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