so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sponge bath it is.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
