if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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