She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
