Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
