got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
