So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Houston, we have a blender
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I smell like Dick and happiness
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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