you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
