Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
