I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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