I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
