Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
