I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
