Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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