It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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