ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
