My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
