It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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