She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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