Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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