ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
