Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
